Thinking about adding a third person to your bedroom for a threesome? You're not alone. It's one of the most common fantasies for couples, but finding the right third partner? That's where things get tricky. Sure, the idea of having a unicorn (that's a bisexual woman open to joining a couple) sounds amazing, but how do you actually find someone who's both down for it and a good fit for you and your partner? It's not always as simple as swiping right and hoping for the best.
Here's a breakdown of some tips and strategies to help you find that elusive third in a way that's respectful, comfortable, and above all-fun for everyone involved.
Start with Open Communication (Yes, Really)
Before you even think about finding a third, you need to make sure you and your partner are 100% on the same page. It might sound obvious, but things can go sideways when expectations aren't aligned. Sit down, talk through what both of you want, what boundaries you have, and what the purpose of the threesome is.
- What do you both want out of this experience?
- Are you looking for something casual or more emotionally connected?
- What are the hard limits-no kissing, no penetrative sex with the third person, etc.?
Get into the nitty-gritty before you start searching for someone else to join in. This isn't about trying to fix anything that's wrong in your relationship, so make sure it's coming from a place of excitement and mutual interest, not desperation.
Be Clear About the Type of Third You're Looking For
Now that you've got your boundaries in place, it's time to figure out who you're looking for. Are you hoping to find a bisexual woman who fits into your sexual dynamic, or are you interested in someone who's more of a “casual play partner” for both of you?
- Are you looking for a “unicorn” (a bisexual woman who joins a couple for a threesome), or is any third person, regardless of their gender or sexual orientation, welcome?
- What are your expectations for physical intimacy? Do both partners want to be involved in every aspect, or is there room for one partner to sit out or take on a different role?
- Emotional boundaries: Are you just looking to have a fun sexual experience, or are you open to the possibility of something deeper?
Having a clear picture of what you want from the third party will help you filter through your options and avoid wasting time on people who aren't aligned with your goals.
Consider Using the Right Platforms to Find the Third
In today's world, finding a third isn't as difficult as it used to be. Dating apps and websites dedicated to open-minded people can make things much easier. Apps like 3Somer and Feeld are great options for couples looking to find others who are into threesomes or alternative sexual dynamics. Make sure your profile is open about what you're looking for and be honest about your boundaries.
Don't rush into things just because you find a person who seems to fit the bill. Talk, build some rapport, and get to know them as a person first.
Remember that finding the right third takes time. Don't expect it to happen overnight, and be open to meeting a few people before you find the right match.
Respect the Third Person's Needs and Boundaries
This is key. If you're looking for a unicorn or a third partner, treat them with respect, just as you would your partner. Too often, couples forget that the third is a person with their own desires, boundaries, and feelings.
- Don't make them feel like a prop: Be clear about what you want, but also make sure they have the chance to express what they're comfortable with. Respect their boundaries just like you would your partner's.
- Communicate openly: Before jumping into the physical part, talk with the third person about the expectations, do's and don'ts, and what they're looking for out of the experience.
It's not just about you and your partner getting what you want-this is a shared experience, and everyone involved should feel safe, heard, and respected.
In-Person Events: The Swinger Scene
If you're feeling adventurous and want to meet people face-to-face, sex clubs, swinger parties, and lifestyle events are great places to find like-minded individuals. These spaces are designed for people who are interested in open relationships, threesomes, and alternative sexual experiences.
- Sex parties and swingers clubs: These events often have a mix of experienced and new people looking for connections. It's a way to dip your toes into the scene without the pressure of swiping through endless profiles.
- Hotels and resorts: Some resorts and retreats are built around open-minded couples and polyamory, giving you the chance to meet a third who might be a perfect fit.
Just be sure you and your partner are ready for this type of environment. It can be intimidating for some, but it also provides a more organic way to meet potential third parties.
Don't Take Rejection Personally
Here's the thing: not everyone you approach is going to say yes. And that's okay! Rejection is part of the process. Whether it's a “no” because the person is not interested or it's just a matter of timing, remember that everyone has their own boundaries and preferences.
- Don't pressure or guilt someone into saying yes: If a potential third declines, be respectful. Don't push the issue. If you feel rejected, remember it's not about you-it's just a mismatch, and that's normal in any kind of dating or relationship dynamic.
- Move on gracefully: It's part of the process. Respect the third person's decision and move forward.
Plan a “Getting to Know You” Date
Before jumping straight into a threesome, it's a good idea to meet your potential third in person for a date. This is a great way to see if there's chemistry and if your expectations align. The date doesn't have to be anything fancy-grab a coffee, talk about what each person is looking for, and gauge the vibe.
It's important to see how well you all get along and whether the sexual dynamic will actually work in real life. Just like dating anyone else, chemistry is key.
Aftercare Matters (Yes, Really)
Aftercare is just as important for a threesome as it is for any other sexual experience. Make sure everyone involved feels valued, especially the third party. Whether it's cuddling, talking, or just sharing feedback on how the experience went, taking the time for aftercare shows respect and helps maintain a positive experience for everyone involved.
Finding the right third for a threesome isn't easy, but with the right approach, patience, and respect, it can lead to a fulfilling and fun experience for everyone. Whether you're using dating apps, attending swinger events, or meeting organically, always prioritize communication and respect to ensure that the experience is enjoyable and consensual for all parties involved.
At the end of the day, remember-threesomes should be about mutual fun and exploration, not about filling a void in your relationship. Take the time to find the right person and ensure everyone's boundaries are respected.
